happenings

I just got home from a wedding that I wasn't supposed to go to.  ....Because I was supposed to be 40+ weeks pregnant or at home with a healthy newborn.

The wedding was nice. I knew the bride and her family and some family friends (aka our fake aunts, uncles and cousins). I found out the bride's sister is expecting, due in February, I believe.  But... I got to dance and drink some alcohol that she couldn't have (mwahaha.. or not..). I heard the cat daddy song for the first time and while waiting in line for some water I was handed a shot of whiskey and thus shot said shot with a bunch of strangers.  Fun times.

Only three more weddings to go to this year (assuming the 3rd one is in-state or not crazy far away).

In non-wedding news, I reactivated my facebook account yesterday.  No less than 5 minutes later I discovered yet another person who is expecting.  I don't even talk to this person, but she just happens to be invited to large event that I am also invited to, and I just HAD to read comments on the wall of said event.  Thanks, facebook. Seriously.. you couldn't last 5 minutes without shoving all of this in my face.. again? So, you can add to my list: K due in December and S due in February.  What is that.. 13?  Who else?

At the wedding, my mom asked me why I went back to facebook. I had been thinking about coming back for a few weeks now, and then my birthday happened, which was probably the worst birthday of my life (perhaps I'll explain in another post). So I put facebook and seeing people all-together on hold (...again). Then Aidan's due date came, and it felt good to get past that day.. Like, I survived it. I'm still here, the world is still spinning, I really wish Aidan were here but that's obviously not gonna happen.. Maybe I need to push myself to "move on."  And I don't mean move on as in forget about him, but try to be social again.. to see my best friend(s) (because I have to see them at some point, right?) and converse with people. As Keith said, "that's what Aidan would want." ...right?

I've been having a lot of anxiety just thinking about this, but maybe it will fade or maybe I'll just get numb to it if I keep putting myself in these uncomfortable situations. I mean, I've already sheltered myself from everyone for a few months and I really haven't gotten that much better, so maybe the opposite will help?  I can always go back into hiding. But, in answer to my mom's question, I'm doing this to force myself to deal with the anxiety of seeing people.

So, I'm back on facebook, tomorrow I will be hanging out with Jenn, and who knows what else will happen. Maybe I'll organize a pregnant women flash mob or just watch this video a dozen times (seriously though - don't click that link if you're really hating pregnant women right now..you might need to punch someone (them) in the face). 

I really hope this helps. I hope I don't break down again.