I think about them a lot. I don't want to, but I do. Sometimes my mind just wanders or I'll see or read something that makes me think of them, and then I'm sad.
I get this butterflies in my stomach type of feeling. Like I'm anxious. Yeah. I get anxiety just thinking about people who I don't talk to or haven't spoken to in a while.
S who had her son in February (or was it march?)
J#1 who had her baby girl in April (or May?)
J#2 who had her third son in April (or May?)
C who had a baby boy sometime throughout all of this
L's wife whom I've never met had her child in April
T who had the unplanned baby boy in May.
J#3 who had her baby girl at the end of May
F who is due at the end of August
L who is due late summer
K who is also due late summer or maybe in the fall
V who is due in October (I think)
Who knows who else is out there. Who knows who else I missed.
I think of all of them. I am not one of them. They have what I don't. They have what I lost.
It hurts.
I haven't ever written about my list of "them" but I feel your pain. Their lives go on and though some may care about me, I know they are in a happy chapter of their lives. It's been a year and a half for me and I wish to make a fresh start with friendships.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry you're hurting. I hope there are some thoughtful moms who reach out to you and who realize 4 months passing does not take away your grief.