i hate writing.
mainly because i'm not good at it.
i have so much trouble finding the words to express these feelings. i try and try and then i get frustrated and give up.
i wish i could just project my thoughts onto the computer and it would magically come up with the beautiful sentences my mind wants to create.
...
i am definitely jealous. of them.
it's so stupid though. i have so much in life to be thankful for. keith and i both have jobs. we have a house. we are financially stable. our relationshp is great. our family and friends are great.
but we don't have our son.
they have their kids. and their pregnancies. people congratulate them all the time and gush sentiments about how wonderful things are.
...
we've been trying for three months now. how the hell was it so easy last time?
i'm pulling out all the stops this month. i'm charting my temperature and i bought a zillion ovulation tests.
ok, almost all of the stops. i hear acupuncture is really good.
i guess i should get motivated and start exercising again too.
...
eminem made me cry today.
my birthday sucked ass because i thought i was having a miscarriage. looking back, i don't think i was, but it seemed like it at the time.
we had a good mini-vacation. i wish i lived on the water.
i should go to bed so i don't screw up my temperature reading.
I'm not a writer either but sometimes just writing what or how I feel is what it's about not how good it sounds. This space is for you and your experience. I think the more we write, the easier is will become. I have so much to be thankful for too but sometimes it doesnt feel like enough because i dont have my daughter i am happy about my son and my family.., i cry every day. I think it is important to be thankful for what we can because we are still alive and sometimes just doing our best. Keep writing ... I'm reading and sending my love.
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