being social

My "social experiment" is going well so far. I haven't done much, but I have hung out with Jenn twice and.. well I guess that's it.  I went to a bridal shower too but I would have gone to that even without the experiment. I did talk to a friend at the shower whom I haven't seen since before Aidan. She asked me how life was going for me and I had the hardest time replying.. I kinda mumbled, shrugged my shoulders, said well, y'know.. I just couldn't get the words out. Usually I just say "ok" or "as good as it can be" but I felt like I should give a better response, and I just couldn't do it. Ah well. It was nice talking to her, though.

I'll be seeing people more often in the next few days and weeks. I'm not anxious about these events (yet?) so that's a good thing. Sometimes I wonder if my thyroid medication had something to do with my relapse into sadness. In mid-July I switched back to a higher dosage, and perhaps it finally kicked in early in August (right after my birthday stupidness, which I still haven't blogged about).

I still feel sad for myself (am I pitying myself?) but I'm trying to get over that. I definitely still get anxious when discovering newly pregnant women/friends (#14 revealed herself today) but what can I do about that?  I've hidden tons of people on facebook to try to avoid things like that, but I know I can't escape all of it. I'm worried about when they start to pop out those babies.. that's going to start happening real soon. My cousin's the first, due at the end of August.  Luckily she does not post a lot on facebook so maybe I won't see much. I feel bad hiding her. 

Another baby shower is coming up in two weeks, although I will not be attending. The invitation came at a very bad time, and I pretty much said fuck that! when I saw it in the mail. I did hang it on my fridge so I could remember to RSVP as a big fat NO.  But! I didn't RSVP till yesterday as I am training myself not to make hasty decisions when I'm full of emotion. Keith and I have actually decided to take another trip - a weekend trip, this time - to visit some breweries in Michigan, and the only time we can go just so happens to be the same weekend as the shower.  If the trip were not happening, I'm still not sure if I would go or not, but at least I have a better excuse than sorry, I'm still hating on pregnant women right now.

I originally wrote a ton of stuff for this post, but I realized I had gone off on a tangent way too many times, so you should be seeing more than one post from me this week. wooo.