One year ago today, on February 14, 2011, I felt Aidan kick for the first time. I was suspicious of that little nudge at first, thinking it was just gas bubbles, but then it happened again, and I just knew it wasn't another gas bubble. And at least once a day until his death I felt that tiny little kick. I'd lay in bed, trying to feel for his kick. I knew it was very early to feel anything at all, but I tried, and loved it when I felt it (though I never felt it with my hand). I still get gas bubbles (funny.. I never noticed them before I was pregnant) and each one reminds me of him. Oh to feel his kick again..
Keith bought me flowers last year, as he does every year, and had them delivered to my office. This bouquet came with a bright red plastic heart necklace draped around the vase. I thought at the time how the necklace complemented the vase well (which was also a bright red) but what the heck was I going to do with a plastic heart necklace? I'm not a hoarder, but I have this thing with hanging on to special objects, and even though it was something I'd never use or wear, I knew I would keep it for at least a few years until I'd had enough of it. All because it was from Keith. Anyway... that plan changed and now I will keep that heart forever. Shortly after Aidan's death I bought a shadowbox for some of his mementos, like his "birth certificate" and hospital wristband that he never wore. The heart hangs within the shadow box, above his things, protecting them.
Funny how this little piece of plastic and a few gas bubbles are such strong reminders of my son.
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