what if i took better care of myself during my pregnancy? what if i drank more cranberry juice or ate more yogurt? what if i noticed those tiny signs that seemed so normal; just a pregnancy thing? what if i did something about it?
would i still have gotten the infection?
what if i hadn't reacted to those antibiotics? what if i took them, and they didn't cause me to vomit, and it cured my infection before it was too late?
would i still have aidan? would i be on inverted bed rest praying that my sac would repair itself as it slowly filled with fresh, live-giving fluid?
what if i would have been one of the lucky few who made it to viability? to full term?
would aidan be ok? would he have deformities, breathing issues or mental problems due to the stress and low fluid?
i'd like to think that he would have made it far enough, as least so he could be born alive. so he didn't have to struggle by himself in my womb. so he could take a breath of air. so he could open his eyes and look at me, and i could gaze right back at him, into his beautiful hazel eyes. so he could wrap his little hand around my finger. alive long enough to recognize me as his mother and to hear my voice outside of the womb. long enough for me to tell him how much i tried. and how much i love him.
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