pants.

My pants are too big.


Usually that is a sign of a great accomplishment, such as weight loss, and now you get to go shopping (woo!) and buy new clothes (woo! woo!). Most women would be jumping for joy if that phrase was ever uttered from their mouth. Not me. I'm sure you know where this is going.

You see, about three months ago I realized I could no longer comfortably fit into my pre-pregnancy pants. That's when I bought some BeBands from Target. They're probably the most amazing things ever. They are a wide, stretchy elastic band that you wear around your waist/hips, and they allow you to wear your pants unbuttoned, and therefore more comfortably, without anyone knowing.

About a month after that I realized that I needed new work pants, as a few had shrunk (my pants always shrink up instead of in) and the others were not warm enough for walking around in chilly New York City. I don't have to wear work pants that often, only when I'm on-site at a client, so I don't have that many pairs.. like 5 total.   I headed back to Target in search of cheap pants. Amazingly enough I found three pairs that fit almost perfectly. Two were a little snug in the waist if buttoned, but roomy enough in the hips, which allowed my hips to grow with the looming baby weight and I could still wear the BeBand to keep everything from falling down when I unbuttoned them. The third pair was a perfect fit - I didn't need to unbutton them and they didn't dig into my stomach. I was quite excited about these pants (amazing how such a little thing could get me excited back then (that's what she said?)) and how good I felt in them.

Now, all three pairs are too big. Even the two that were snug when buttoned. If I want to wear these, I either need to gain weight (um, not till the next baby, plz) or wear the BeBand. Guess what I found myself doing these past two mornings?  Yup. Putting on the giant pants and pulling that meant-for-pregnancy BeBand up around my waist.   I suppose I could have worn my other work pants, but honestly, I didn't want to.  I really do like these pants. I want them to fit. I want to be pregnant with Aidan. But, I digress.

So there I am, wearing these too-big pants and an elastic band to keep them from falling down. You can't tell I'm wearing the band as I'm wearing a shirt over it (thank goodness, it would be a little awkward if i went to work shirtless) but I can feel the band and have to adjust it every now and then when it shifts. I go to work, do my thang, and come home. A normal day, for the most part. But I kinda feel like an impostor, wearing this band, like I'm pretending to be in the early stages of pregnancy again.  It's true that they advertise the possibility of using the band after pregnancy, to keep those maternity pants from falling down and so you can wear your pre-pregnancy pants until you lose all of the baby weight.  I wonder if they ever thought of women wearing these after a miscarriage? Perhaps I should tell them to advertise this prospect as well. They could put a flashing yellow sign on their website stating "Works for miscarriages, too! Guaranteed to keep those maternity jeans up even though you never got a chance to wear them."

Good advertising, eh? It would definitely reach a broader audience.

I digress, again.   Next week Keith and I will be visiting Danielle and Derek in good ole' Kansas City. They have an outlet mall there, which Danielle and I will be hitting up. Guess what they have at the outlet mall? Pants. I will be an impostor no more and my pants will fit once again.