two years

I did not get dressed today.

I decided a few weeks ago that today might be a day where I should work from home.

And I did.

I took care of our beautiful rainbow baby as well, and let me tell you it is tough to work and take care of a baby at the same time. But I managed, both to take care of her and to get some work done.

Today was not as bad as I was expecting it to be, I think mainly because I did not have time to stop and fully think about things. I feel like I have a big cry to let out, but all I have managed are a few tears here and there.  A few things never left my mind today, however: how much I love and miss Aidan, and how much I love and am so grateful for our little Enora.

Aidan's bear (from the orchid plant my parents gave him last year), a beautiful personalized wooden block from my dear friend Cindy (Enora has a matching block), and a burning candle (in red, of course) in his honor

This time last year I was pregnant with Enora, about 7 weeks along. She was just a gummy bear on a screen back then, a little gummy bear of hope.  I 100% believe that just being pregnant with her made Aidan's angelversary last year so much easier, and this year having her alive and in my arms has again helped me to get through this day.

Since it was a work day we didn't have time to do much (last year it was on a Sunday and went to the movies), but Keith made a delicious pasta dish with homemade sauce and I tried out a new recipe for a "healthy" strawberry truffle pie.

I apparently didn't give it enough time to freeze/set, but it still tasted good

We also enjoyed a fancy bottle of wine, in honor of our little boy.

Earlier in the day I attempted to take some pictures of Enora and Aidan and some of his things. Yes, this may be weird for some of you. too bad.

holding on to Aidan's bear

Yes, this picture is goofy. But I imagine that if Aidan were here, they would both be making the same expression: eww I have to sit next to her/him?? Ah, sibling love.

Friends and family: your love and support has meant so much to us. You all have again proven how lucky we are to have you in our lives. Thank you for donating to charities in Aidan's name, for sending pictures and all of the good thoughts. 

The candle I lit earlier in the day has just burnt out, so I think that's a sign for me to go to bed.  Aidan: you know that I love you and always will, but I just have to write it and say it and think it as often as I can. Thank you for watching over us and keeping your little sister safe and happy. I hope you are having a grand ole time wherever you are with your great-grandparents and all of your other relatives and friends.  I love you so much baby boy!