- Denial. That spotting I noticed yesterday? Oh that must have been implantation bleeding, for sure!. And those cramps? Yeah that must be my uterus starting to expand as it prepares for a new baby!
- Anger. WTF! Is that really my period starting? No! I am putting my foot down this time, body! NO! How dare you start! And early, too!
- Bargaining. I swear that I'll do everything right during my pregnancy if you promise that you're just pretending to be a real period! It's just hormones, right? I won't eat lunch meat! I won't breathe when I'm driving behind smelly trucks! I'll only sleep on my left side!
- Depression. why? again? what did i do wrong? i thought we did everything right... and now we have to go through this for yet another month? why do you hate me, world? i'm going to go hide in a hole now and cry myself to sleep.
- Acceptance. Days later...I guess I'm really not pregnant this month. fuck. Ok, let's do everything right this time. Exercise, eat right, chart temps..it's gotta work next month, for sure!
And the cycle repeats itself. Over and over and over again.
I've been through those emotions so many times....it's funny how we can put ourselves through denial because of our intense longing for children. Funny but not so funny when it's depressing and painful. I hope "it" will happen for you soon!!! It is hard to grieve and TTC at the same time.
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