I am 33 weeks along now; just 7 more till her due date and just one more till our goal gestational date. It's amazing to think I've lasted almost 9 weeks with a funneling, 1.5 cm long cervix.
I've done extremely well with the modified bed rest. My doctors said it was ok to use stairs every now and then, which has given me a little more freedom, so I've been able to check up on our basement bathroom remodel. We went through Home Depot (24 month financing!) because it required a lot of underground plumbing work and it has taken much longer than expected, but it's a blessing in disguise as I've been able to work from home while the workers are here, allowing me to rest more and not have to rush in the morning to get ready for work.
I've done some shopping too, both on my own and with Keith or a friend. I allow myself to go into the smaller stores, like CVS, to pick up a prescription or something quick without using a wheelchair or scooter, but at bigger stores like Target and JoAnn's I definitely use one. I kind of feel like a dork (or some other appropriate term) when I am riding around a store by myself. I am extremely self-conscious and can only imagine the thoughts running through peoples' heads as they see the lazy pregnant lady scooting around the store, bumping into things (still getting a hang of maneuvering!), yet can get up and walk out to her car no problem. Yes, it is stupid to think these things but we all know it's not easy to turn off our minds. I just keep reminding myself that it's for baby girl (whom is currently hiccuping) and you have a perfectly valid reason to be riding around in a scooter! I also feel awkward being pushed around in a wheelchair, mainly because I'm inconveniencing the person who's pushing, but at least I have some company. Many many thanks to Jenn and Keith for pushing me around JoAnn's and Buy Buy Baby and to Liz for taking me to an art fair and pushing me around in 90 degree weather. That is friendship!
Health-wise I am doing pretty well. My cervix has not changed length nor has it funneled any more. What's interesting is you can actually watch my cervix fill with fluid during a transvaginal ultrasound - the u/s tech will have me bear down, which I assume pushes all the fluid out, then a minute or two later it fills back up again. She says it's not amniotic fluid, but just regular, whatever's-up-in-there fluid. Not her words. Around 28 weeks I had my glucose test and happily found out that I do not have gestational diabetes (my level was 86, whatever that means). After the test I had some bloodwork done and the results said I had a slightly high white cell count. My doctor was going to brush that off at first, as it's normal for pregnant women to have a higher white cell count than non-pregnant women, but when I reminded her that I had a really high white count with Aidan and no signs of the BV that was ravaging my uterus, she decided to put me on a week's worth of antibiotics. Good thing, because just a few days later we found out I had a UTI! I had never had one before, and after reading about the symptoms I suppose I had some of them (very minor, though) but I attributed everything to the many side effects of pregnancy. The UTI is all cleared up now, and I'm doing my best to be more aware of my body.
Because my cervix hasn't changed, my doctors moved me back to bi-weekly appointments instead of weekly, and we stopped doing the cervical ultrasounds (although I did have a measurement u/s and got some cute 3D pictures out of it). So now we are really just in a waiting game. My dad, who knows things, keeps saying she will be born in October, so I am keeping hope that my little pumpkin baby will hold out until then. With everything that's been going on, she'll probably stay in past her due date and I'll need to be induced!
There are a few more things I could write about but this post is long enough. I will try to update more often, but I've been pretty decent at doing minor updates at An Caisteal, so feel free to check that out if you don't mind reading about the happier side of things.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
my grampie
I had started writing up a post for you all last week, just a little update on the fact that not much has changed since my last post. Then I found out on Tuesday that my grandfather died.
He was 85 years old, not in the best health but I certainly did not think he was going to pass so soon. I had just seen him on Friday when we went out to dinner with him and some of my family. That was the first time I had seen him this pregnancy. No, he didn't live far from me at all. I'm just a terrible granddaughter that never visited. He was happy to see me and Keith, though, along with the rest of the family - some who were in town visiting that weekend.
I'm not going to write a ton about him here, at least not now. There's a lot I could say, both good and bad, but I'll leave it at I think he was overall a good man, and although he seemed to treat his children and grandchildren unfairly, perhaps he treated them in the way they needed to be treated, and helped them in the way they needed to be helped.
My grandpa had 6 kids (he and my grandma divorced many years ago; she died in '91), 12 grandchildren, and depending on how you look at it, between 3 and 7 great-grandchildren. Three great-grandchildren are definitely accounted for and living, a 4th might exist (not sure if a cousin has two kids or just one), Aidan died, the 6th is growing in my womb, and the 7th is growing in another cousin's womb. On his obituary only 4 great-grandchildren were noted, the 4th being the one that might exist. I was there when they were writing out the obituary. I could have spoken up and said well what about Aidan, but I didn't. I could have spoken up and said well what about the ones that are growing, but I didn't. What is protocol for this? My uncle, who passed in '03, was listed as "the late" son. I guess it's not a big deal. If the 4th one doesn't exist then we can pretend that was for Aidan. Or this one. Or the other one.
I was a bit of a mess last week after finding out about his death. I cried a lot, and luckily I've been working from home so I didn't have to put on a show in front of my coworkers. The thought I kept returning to was how much I wanted him to meet his future great-granddaughter, and he won't get to. I only have one grandparent left now, and none on Keith's side. Please please please let my grandma stay alive until she's born. Please let her meet my child. I guess my grandpa does get to meet one of them. He finally got to meet Aidan.
Monday, July 23, 2012
Thursday, July 12, 2012
fluid
I have a feeling we're not gonna make it to October.
I had my bi-weekly (fortnightly?) appointment today and was given some more bad news. Last time, although short and soft-ish, my cervix was nice and closed inside and out. Today we discovered a pocket of fluid in my cervix, which means my cervix is dilating from the inside, or funneling. Fantastic.
The length was the same (hooray!) and the outside is still closed (double hooray!) but it means I'm at an even higher risk for pre-term labor now. They did another fFN test and another BV test (apparently my vajay looked red and irritated.. funny, it's not bothering me) so I'll get the results of those soon - the fFN might even come back today. I'm also going to start going in weekly so they can monitor my cervix. If it stays this way without change for a while then maybe we'll go back down to fortnightly (apparently I like this word) but we want to be on the safe side. My "couch potato" bed rest rules have not changed, so I can still go to work, but I'm going to take it much easier than I have been.. maybe ask Keith to get me water instead of getting up for it myself, etc.
I didn't freak out as much today as I did last time, but I am still really worried. I know that each day she says inside my womb means a higher chance of survival, but there could always be complications. She could have a brain bleed or her lungs might not have matured enough even with the steroids. I'm still looking at 34 weeks for our goal, but the doc today mentioned even 30/32 weeks would be great. If things get worse down there they might put me on hospital bed rest. Sigh. Please think good things for us.
I had my bi-weekly (fortnightly?) appointment today and was given some more bad news. Last time, although short and soft-ish, my cervix was nice and closed inside and out. Today we discovered a pocket of fluid in my cervix, which means my cervix is dilating from the inside, or funneling. Fantastic.
The length was the same (hooray!) and the outside is still closed (double hooray!) but it means I'm at an even higher risk for pre-term labor now. They did another fFN test and another BV test (apparently my vajay looked red and irritated.. funny, it's not bothering me) so I'll get the results of those soon - the fFN might even come back today. I'm also going to start going in weekly so they can monitor my cervix. If it stays this way without change for a while then maybe we'll go back down to fortnightly (apparently I like this word) but we want to be on the safe side. My "couch potato" bed rest rules have not changed, so I can still go to work, but I'm going to take it much easier than I have been.. maybe ask Keith to get me water instead of getting up for it myself, etc.
I didn't freak out as much today as I did last time, but I am still really worried. I know that each day she says inside my womb means a higher chance of survival, but there could always be complications. She could have a brain bleed or her lungs might not have matured enough even with the steroids. I'm still looking at 34 weeks for our goal, but the doc today mentioned even 30/32 weeks would be great. If things get worse down there they might put me on hospital bed rest. Sigh. Please think good things for us.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
couch potato
I am now on doctors orders to be a couch potato for (minimum) the next 9 weeks.
That would be the layman's term for modified bed rest.
What happened, you ask? Well let me tell you.
On June 15 Keith and I left for a 9-day trip to Seattle. We had a great time, got to do a bunch of touristy stuff, saw friends we haven't seen in a while, and finished off the trip by attending the National Homebrew Conference. All-in-all it was a really nice vacation/babymoon, if you will. We did a ton of walking and standing while there, but I made sure to rest whenever I could.
We flew home early Monday morning and since I took the day off work to recoup, I also scheduled my monthly ob appointment for that day. I've been having my doctors check me for BV each month since that's what I had with Aidan, but didn't have any symptoms, so I don't want to run into that situation again. While my doc was "down there" she also checked my cervix and noted that it felt short to her. Not to worry, she said, the length could be on the inside where she couldn't feel, but to be on the safe side she scheduled me for a transvaginal ultrasound to determine the actual length. Since it was late in the day and the tech was out, I had to come back on Tuesday for the ultrasound. Not to worry? ha. Everything is going to make me worried this pregnancy.
Got there on Tuesday and had the ultrasound. I wasn't sure what to expect since I haven't had a transvag before, but it really wasn't bad at all. The tech took some measurements, told me it seemed short to her too, but she wanted to speak with the doctor so he could decide what to do. She told me to head upstairs and wait for his decision.
I head upstairs and sat down for a few minutes, and the next thing I know a nurse is walking towards me with a prescription for steroids. She told me that my cervix is measuring 1.5 cm (which is quite low - average is between 3 and 5cm) and that the steroids are to help baby's lungs mature in case I deliver early. I immediately went to the pharmacy to pick up the steroid shots and drove back so she could administer it. One shot today, one shot the next. That shot burns, man! It wasn't too bad going in but once all of the medicine got in there it burned like crazy. It went away after maybe 10 minutes but was kinda sore the rest of the day. The steroids are called betamethasone. Google it if you want.. it does other things but the main thing for me is baby girl's lung development. Again, since it was later in the day and because I had the BV test done on Monday, they couldn't do any more tests today so I had to come back on Wednesday.
Of course at this point I am freaking out and I started googling everything I could when I got home about a short cervix and the steroids. Apparently it's super common for women to get these shots (if they have a risk of pre-term labor) and a lot of them make it rather far in their pregnancy, some even needing to be induced at the end. None of this settled my nerves, however. I had asked the nurse if I needed to take it easy the rest of the day and she said no, continue as usual. So Keith and I attempted to go to our beer club meeting, but one of the ladies started asking me about the pregnancy (she had just found out about it) and how I was doing and I could barely stop myself from crying. I ran to the bathroom and cried there for about 10 minutes, came out and told Keith we needed to go. Luckily we had a bit of an excuse as we were planning on visiting Jenn and her new baby girl in the hospital that night, and our waitress at the bar sucked, so we split. The hospital visit wasn't too bad.. baby Quorra is super cute (and quiet!) but I did not say anything about what was going on (and Jenn.. since you read this.. now you know).
I could barely sleep that night. I fell asleep a little after 10, but woke up at midnight and couldn't go back to bed until 4am. My heart kept palpitating or my thoughts would wander off to crazy places whenever I attempted to sleep.
Wednesday arrived, and by this time I had told the important people at work about what was going on. I pretty much had to since I was supposed to go in the office, but worked from home instead (nice perk, yes). Everything I had read about my situation seemed mostly positive, but it also meant I'd be on bed rest until the end of this pregnancy. I got to the doctors and they did a pelvic exam, cervix check and a fFN (fetal Fibronectin) test. The fFN test measures a protein in my vagina and basically determines my risk of pre-term labor. The doctor told me that yes, my cervix is 1.5cm long, and when the ultrasound tech had me bear down during the ultrasound, the length dropped down to 1.2cm. Good news is my cervix is not dilated (yay!) and it is medium-soft (hard would be best, but medium-soft is better than soft), and baby is not pushing down on my cervix. He is a very positive-minded doctor (which I appreciate.. tired of all the negative people) and did not seem overly concerned. He said I basically need to be a couch potato from here on out, meaning no heavy lifting, no grocery shopping (or any long bouts of standing/walking), and no sex. He said it was ok for me to go to work since all I do is sit all day, and that's all I'd be doing at home anyway. Keith came with me to the appointment (thank you!) and he asked if all the walking/standing we did in Seattle could have caused this. He said no, that it would have happened anyway. I didn't ask any further questions about that, but it makes me wonder if I have an incompetent cervix problem, and perhaps that along with the BV is what lead to Aidan's death last year. He said our ultimate goal is to get me to 34 weeks (which is just about 9 weeks away!), but really the longer she stays in there, the better. Every week makes a huge difference in her development and increases her chances of surviving outside the womb. He scheduled me for another ultrasound and appointment in two weeks, I got my second steroid shot (that nurse was rough! It hurt even more that time!), and I went home.
I was actually feeling much better that night, but I did feel bad because now Keith has to do pretty much everything around the house and I think it's going to be really stressful on him. But I want nothing more than this baby to come out healthy (and preferably in October!) so I must do whatever I can to keep her safe. I'm going to limit standing and walking, no stairs if possible, and, as the doc said, just be a couch potato.
The results of the fFN test wouldn't come back till Thursday, which leads us to today. They called me early this morning which was great (didn't have to worry all day) and it came back negative!! That is good! If it came back positive that basically meant that within the next few weeks my body would most likely go into labor. Since it's negative (for now) there's only a very very small chance of labor happening any time soon.
So now begins my couch-potato-ness. Doesn't this just get better and better? Told ya I'd still update here. Was just hoping for something more positive to write about.
That would be the layman's term for modified bed rest.
What happened, you ask? Well let me tell you.
On June 15 Keith and I left for a 9-day trip to Seattle. We had a great time, got to do a bunch of touristy stuff, saw friends we haven't seen in a while, and finished off the trip by attending the National Homebrew Conference. All-in-all it was a really nice vacation/babymoon, if you will. We did a ton of walking and standing while there, but I made sure to rest whenever I could.
We flew home early Monday morning and since I took the day off work to recoup, I also scheduled my monthly ob appointment for that day. I've been having my doctors check me for BV each month since that's what I had with Aidan, but didn't have any symptoms, so I don't want to run into that situation again. While my doc was "down there" she also checked my cervix and noted that it felt short to her. Not to worry, she said, the length could be on the inside where she couldn't feel, but to be on the safe side she scheduled me for a transvaginal ultrasound to determine the actual length. Since it was late in the day and the tech was out, I had to come back on Tuesday for the ultrasound. Not to worry? ha. Everything is going to make me worried this pregnancy.
Got there on Tuesday and had the ultrasound. I wasn't sure what to expect since I haven't had a transvag before, but it really wasn't bad at all. The tech took some measurements, told me it seemed short to her too, but she wanted to speak with the doctor so he could decide what to do. She told me to head upstairs and wait for his decision.
I head upstairs and sat down for a few minutes, and the next thing I know a nurse is walking towards me with a prescription for steroids. She told me that my cervix is measuring 1.5 cm (which is quite low - average is between 3 and 5cm) and that the steroids are to help baby's lungs mature in case I deliver early. I immediately went to the pharmacy to pick up the steroid shots and drove back so she could administer it. One shot today, one shot the next. That shot burns, man! It wasn't too bad going in but once all of the medicine got in there it burned like crazy. It went away after maybe 10 minutes but was kinda sore the rest of the day. The steroids are called betamethasone. Google it if you want.. it does other things but the main thing for me is baby girl's lung development. Again, since it was later in the day and because I had the BV test done on Monday, they couldn't do any more tests today so I had to come back on Wednesday.
Of course at this point I am freaking out and I started googling everything I could when I got home about a short cervix and the steroids. Apparently it's super common for women to get these shots (if they have a risk of pre-term labor) and a lot of them make it rather far in their pregnancy, some even needing to be induced at the end. None of this settled my nerves, however. I had asked the nurse if I needed to take it easy the rest of the day and she said no, continue as usual. So Keith and I attempted to go to our beer club meeting, but one of the ladies started asking me about the pregnancy (she had just found out about it) and how I was doing and I could barely stop myself from crying. I ran to the bathroom and cried there for about 10 minutes, came out and told Keith we needed to go. Luckily we had a bit of an excuse as we were planning on visiting Jenn and her new baby girl in the hospital that night, and our waitress at the bar sucked, so we split. The hospital visit wasn't too bad.. baby Quorra is super cute (and quiet!) but I did not say anything about what was going on (and Jenn.. since you read this.. now you know).
I could barely sleep that night. I fell asleep a little after 10, but woke up at midnight and couldn't go back to bed until 4am. My heart kept palpitating or my thoughts would wander off to crazy places whenever I attempted to sleep.
Wednesday arrived, and by this time I had told the important people at work about what was going on. I pretty much had to since I was supposed to go in the office, but worked from home instead (nice perk, yes). Everything I had read about my situation seemed mostly positive, but it also meant I'd be on bed rest until the end of this pregnancy. I got to the doctors and they did a pelvic exam, cervix check and a fFN (fetal Fibronectin) test. The fFN test measures a protein in my vagina and basically determines my risk of pre-term labor. The doctor told me that yes, my cervix is 1.5cm long, and when the ultrasound tech had me bear down during the ultrasound, the length dropped down to 1.2cm. Good news is my cervix is not dilated (yay!) and it is medium-soft (hard would be best, but medium-soft is better than soft), and baby is not pushing down on my cervix. He is a very positive-minded doctor (which I appreciate.. tired of all the negative people) and did not seem overly concerned. He said I basically need to be a couch potato from here on out, meaning no heavy lifting, no grocery shopping (or any long bouts of standing/walking), and no sex. He said it was ok for me to go to work since all I do is sit all day, and that's all I'd be doing at home anyway. Keith came with me to the appointment (thank you!) and he asked if all the walking/standing we did in Seattle could have caused this. He said no, that it would have happened anyway. I didn't ask any further questions about that, but it makes me wonder if I have an incompetent cervix problem, and perhaps that along with the BV is what lead to Aidan's death last year. He said our ultimate goal is to get me to 34 weeks (which is just about 9 weeks away!), but really the longer she stays in there, the better. Every week makes a huge difference in her development and increases her chances of surviving outside the womb. He scheduled me for another ultrasound and appointment in two weeks, I got my second steroid shot (that nurse was rough! It hurt even more that time!), and I went home.
I was actually feeling much better that night, but I did feel bad because now Keith has to do pretty much everything around the house and I think it's going to be really stressful on him. But I want nothing more than this baby to come out healthy (and preferably in October!) so I must do whatever I can to keep her safe. I'm going to limit standing and walking, no stairs if possible, and, as the doc said, just be a couch potato.
The results of the fFN test wouldn't come back till Thursday, which leads us to today. They called me early this morning which was great (didn't have to worry all day) and it came back negative!! That is good! If it came back positive that basically meant that within the next few weeks my body would most likely go into labor. Since it's negative (for now) there's only a very very small chance of labor happening any time soon.
So now begins my couch-potato-ness. Doesn't this just get better and better? Told ya I'd still update here. Was just hoping for something more positive to write about.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
triage
It would be ridiculous for me to think, even for a second, that this pregnancy would go smoothly.
Monday night further enforced the fact that I should never let such a thought cross my mind.
I will preface this by saying don't worry.. I am fine and so is baby girl.
So Monday night I was working late, and before I left for home I went to the bathroom. Does this sound familiar? Bad things always happen in the bathroom. Anyway, luckily I did not see my amniotic fluid sac hanging out, but instead I saw a little bit of spotting. No big deal, I thought - I've had a little bit of spotting here and there throughout this pregnancy, which I understand is normal. But as I continued to clean myself, a nice, quarter-sized clot came out.
Of course I started freaking out, but I tried with all of my might to stay calm. I didn't have any cramping or pain so that was good. The spotting continued after the clot but nothing else came out -- again, good. So I drove home and called my mom on the way (after calling Keith, who was at the gym and didn't answer). The plan was to get home (about a 35 minute drive), see if the spotting continued/more clots came, then call the doctor.
I was so thankful that I could feel baby girl moving during the ride home. The fact that I could feel her move and I didn't have any pain told me that this probably wasn't serious, but still really scary because I had no idea why I would suddenly pass a clot after sitting at work all day.
Got home.. no clots and just the tiniest bit of spotting. I called the doctor and she suggested I to go to triage just to make sure everything was ok with the baby. Keith got home and then we headed to the hospital.
It was a relatively quiet night on Monday so we got a bed right away and the nurse started asking me a million questions. She found baby's heartbeat with the doppler rather easily and it was in the normal range. Baby girl was very active that night and Keith finally got to feel her kick! That was nice. Then the doctor came in and asked me some more questions and did an exam. She found that I have what is called a friable spot on my cervix and that is where the bleeding came from. Basically it means that any sort of agitation can cause this spot to bleed. She didn't seem concerned about this - I guess some women's cervixes can be completely friable which would probably mean bedrest - but it was good to know why I was bleeding. I don't know why this spot is there in the first place, however. She then did a "digital" exam to check my cervix and oh my god I swear she put her entire fist up there. Holy crap that was insane. I guess my cervix is softer than she would like (interesting.. because at an appointment two months ago the doc said it was hard) but she did say it was closed so that's good. The softness could be due to my pregnancy with Aidan messing up my cervix, but who knows. We got to see baby girl on an ultrasound after that and she looked good - heart still beating and all that. Urine test was fine as well. The nurse discharged me after this and we went home.
So basically the new thing that's wrong with me is that friable spot. It could bleed again and clot again, but as long as the bleeding stops and I don't have pain or contractions then I'm ok. Yes, some bleeding can be normal during pregnancy.
That was just not how I wanted to spend Monday night.
Monday night further enforced the fact that I should never let such a thought cross my mind.
I will preface this by saying don't worry.. I am fine and so is baby girl.
So Monday night I was working late, and before I left for home I went to the bathroom. Does this sound familiar? Bad things always happen in the bathroom. Anyway, luckily I did not see my amniotic fluid sac hanging out, but instead I saw a little bit of spotting. No big deal, I thought - I've had a little bit of spotting here and there throughout this pregnancy, which I understand is normal. But as I continued to clean myself, a nice, quarter-sized clot came out.
Of course I started freaking out, but I tried with all of my might to stay calm. I didn't have any cramping or pain so that was good. The spotting continued after the clot but nothing else came out -- again, good. So I drove home and called my mom on the way (after calling Keith, who was at the gym and didn't answer). The plan was to get home (about a 35 minute drive), see if the spotting continued/more clots came, then call the doctor.
I was so thankful that I could feel baby girl moving during the ride home. The fact that I could feel her move and I didn't have any pain told me that this probably wasn't serious, but still really scary because I had no idea why I would suddenly pass a clot after sitting at work all day.
Got home.. no clots and just the tiniest bit of spotting. I called the doctor and she suggested I to go to triage just to make sure everything was ok with the baby. Keith got home and then we headed to the hospital.
It was a relatively quiet night on Monday so we got a bed right away and the nurse started asking me a million questions. She found baby's heartbeat with the doppler rather easily and it was in the normal range. Baby girl was very active that night and Keith finally got to feel her kick! That was nice. Then the doctor came in and asked me some more questions and did an exam. She found that I have what is called a friable spot on my cervix and that is where the bleeding came from. Basically it means that any sort of agitation can cause this spot to bleed. She didn't seem concerned about this - I guess some women's cervixes can be completely friable which would probably mean bedrest - but it was good to know why I was bleeding. I don't know why this spot is there in the first place, however. She then did a "digital" exam to check my cervix and oh my god I swear she put her entire fist up there. Holy crap that was insane. I guess my cervix is softer than she would like (interesting.. because at an appointment two months ago the doc said it was hard) but she did say it was closed so that's good. The softness could be due to my pregnancy with Aidan messing up my cervix, but who knows. We got to see baby girl on an ultrasound after that and she looked good - heart still beating and all that. Urine test was fine as well. The nurse discharged me after this and we went home.
So basically the new thing that's wrong with me is that friable spot. It could bleed again and clot again, but as long as the bleeding stops and I don't have pain or contractions then I'm ok. Yes, some bleeding can be normal during pregnancy.
That was just not how I wanted to spend Monday night.
Monday, June 4, 2012
life
just wanted to share this beautiful post:
http://www.glowinthewoods.com/home/2012/5/30/the-meaning-of-a-life.html
http://www.glowinthewoods.com/home/2012/5/30/the-meaning-of-a-life.html
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