this week

Just a few things..

Still struggling with how much information regarding Aidan to share with others. My coworker got food poisoning the other day, and I mentioned that I've never had it before. Another coworker stated how lucky I was that I haven't and that he's had it and has never thrown up so much before in his life.  Then I realized I've actually had similar symptoms when I was uncontrollably vomiting after taking Flagyl. I don't think this coworker knows about Aidan (he's new) and so I didn't bring it up.

Yesterday this same coworker brought up the movie Rocky, and others commented on how it's a classic and everyone should see it. I mentioned that I've seen it. I did not mention that I saw it at the hospital the morning after giving birth to Aidan.

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I puked and rallied at lunch yesterday. Some coworkers and I went out for lunch and I was starrrving, so I scarfed down my food when it arrived. I got about halfway through when my stomach decided it wasn't happy. I went to the bathroom, threw it all up, then went back and continued eating.

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Finding out about others' pregnancies still gives me anxiety, especially the ones who aren't BLMs. Glad everything's going so perfectly well for you.

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I am dwelling on some comments that people said to me/Keith after Aidan died. Someone said something AWFUL to Keith back then and he just told me about it a few weeks ago, and that of course brought all of the hurtful comments back to my memory. Think before you speak, people. A simple "I'm so sorry" <<hug>> "What can I do to help?" would suffice.   You may have a spiritual being in your world that kills children for a reason, but not in mine. And all of my children deserve a name, even if they died in the womb. Fuck you.

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In happier news, we have the anatomy scan on Monday, so hopefully the little one will cooperate and we can find out the gender as well. The plan is to make some "gender reveal" cupcakes for work, with colored filling on the inside.

That's all I got.